The Black Dog / Depression

“I wouldn’t say that I’m grateful for the black dog, but he’s been an incredible teacher”

I am NOT my depression

My depression is separate from me…

As my therapist said, in sci-fi terms, it’s like a black monstrous slug attached to my brain that’s controlling me

But if I focus on behaviours that don’t ‘feed’ that slug, then I’ll be able to gain back control

Perfection can be found even in 438579088 and 3435:

On Timekeeping


A Coincidence of Sentience

The cycle of the moon aligning with the menstrual cycle acted as a first concept of measurement

Shreya Prasad, via Athabasca

Inspired by conversations with Olya and Shreya around Shreya’s Goddesses in Mythology course. (Unrelated, I also took a course from Athabasca once…)

Our Period is a Clock

Olya Jaworsky

An HourGlass Shape, the Glass of HOur Shape

U A, M.

Were women the first timekeepers because they had periods that almost lined up the period of a moon cycle? And was timekeeping necessary for humans to jump into our level of intelligence?

A lunar cycle, 29 point 5 days
A point, a period, 28 or so days
Seven divides it to give a week
East and West, North and South
7 days in a week remain

Both 29.5 and 28
So close to each other
And close to 30, dividing 360
And neatly gives 12, a highly composite number
Such numbers divide better than anything below them
And we humans love division

A revolutionary cycle, 365 point 25 days
So close, so close to that highly composite 360
And so close to being just 365
But off by just a bit
That tiny imperfection requiring leaps of years to fix
We humans yearn for perfection

But still, but still
Despite imperfections, we went with 12
Again and again and again
Solar or Lunar, Gregorian or Indian
12 months in a year and 12 hours in a day’s
So highly composite, we can divide
Into halves and thirds and quarters

12 months in a year
But only 10 fingers on our hands
Giving birth to a base 10 system
Thus cursed were we with more imperfection
And yet, and yet
These tiny closeness-es, may have forced us
To develop our greater mathematical intelligence

We loved our highly composite numbers so much
We put 60 seconds into a minute
60 minutes into an hour
And 12, and 12 again, hours into a day
For a total of a highly composite 24
And yet, our biological clocks
Are so close, so imperfect again
For instead we found it slightly longer
24 hours and 11 minutes, give or take

While I theorized before
That our intelligence arose from interactions
With plants and fungi around us
Perhaps one more jump was needed
A biological coincidence, an astronomical coincidence,
And a mathematical coincidence, to tie them together
And these coincidences of timekeeping
Of composite numbers
Of tiny imperfection
And of closeness
May-be what’s needed
For a human level of sentience

Kimo’s Hawaiian Rules

A shirt owned by Bub-Logi Ja🅱️or-Sycamore

No copyright infringement intended
No rain, no rainbows TM

A Prophecy of Assassin’s Fate

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers warning for all 16 books in the Realm of the Elderlings, especially the final one, Assassin’s Fate

I finished Assassin’s Fate last year in August, and I still cannot stop thinking about it on almost a daily basis. In particular, some of the prophecies have so much depth and nuance to them, I feel like I can keep finding interpretations for them forever.

Here I will talk about probably my favourite prophecy. The prophecy is stated twice in the book, I believe:

A piebald bird, a silver ship, oh what are you awaking One shall be two and two be one before the future’s breaking

There’s a related prophecy in the prologue that mentions ‘One comes as two’ (followed by ‘The Four shall rue’) and ‘Two come as one’ (followed by ‘Your reign is done’).

For interpretations, let’s start with the Piebald Bird.

The Piebald Bird’s obvious interpretation is that it refers to Motley the Crow. Interestingly, the feathers on Motley begin as black and white (the colours of the Black Man and (initially) the Fool, respectively), probably representing both the beginning and ending of an era (which is what the end of Assassin’s Fate is). Bonding with two dragons (one shall be two), (correct me if I’m wrong) the white turns into shades of red as the black turns into a blackish-blue.

This leads to my second interpretation of the ‘Piebald Bird’. From a distance, dragons may look like large birds far in the sky. IceFyre’s name sounds like a motley of elements, or a motley of colours (blue and red again). However, IceFyre himself is black. But who is the other dragon that arrives just before IceFyre does, to destroy the Servants’ abode? Heeby, the red dragon. Black and red, just like Motley the crow.

Onto the next part of the prophecy. LiveShips, as we find out beautifully at the end of the series, can also become dragons. So now, the interpretation of a ‘piebald bird’ (as dragons) can mix with the interpretation of ‘a silver ship’ (the dragon Paragon). Indeed, dragons can be thought of as flying ships that have consumed Silver, so this interpretation can apply to all of Motley, IceFyre, Heeby, and Paragon.

And what is being awoken? Paragon, but also Bee, and Fitz/Fool/Nighteyes (as one being). Paragon splitting into two dragons (‘One come as two’ and then ‘One shall be two’ apply here too) can be seen as Paragon awakening to his true fate. The same goes for Bee becoming the destroyer, and of course, for Fitz/Fool/Nighteyes becoming The Wolf of the West. (And both (counting Bee as the Destroyer) of those events could be seen as an ‘Assassin’ of sorts awakening to their true ‘Fate’. Ah, what a beautifully titled book.) Finally, I would call this an awakening too: IceFyre overcoming the magic of the Servants which caused him to act cowardly, and finally attacking the ones who wronged his species.

We already stated a few interpretations for the One/Two line, but before stating more of those, the ‘future’s breaking’ refers probably to the act that Bee did in the library. However, my headcanon is that Bee accomplished something more than she set out to do. In the chapter Vengeance, Bee wonders if there would ever come a White Prophet who would sever the cycle of revenge that she continues to witness, as she sees what the Dragons have done to Clerres. I think if Hobb continued writing out her Bee story, Bee (and the Fool, as ‘One shall be two’) would be the prophet(s) that finally severs that cycle, without knowing it.

Without knowing, she ‘burned the past’ (a different prophecy), and that allowed Dragons to return to full-strength and destroy Clerres. Now that dragons have returned, the the Fool accomplishes his goal from the beginning: first with stone dragons at the end of Assassin’s Quest, then serpents becoming dragons at the end of Ship of Destiny, then the return of IceFyre at the end of Fool’s Fate, and then the ships becoming dragons at the end of Assassin’s Fate. The fact that dragons are so OP and view humans the way that humans view ants means they can always keep humanity in check and prevent humans from accumulating too much power. This hinders the ability of humans to continue the cycle of vengeance. Ah, but dragons would also continue this cycle. I think this is where Mercor comes in: the relationship between humans and dragons will become more balanced. Mercor always seemed the equivalent of the ‘White Prophet’ to the dragons, as a Golden serpent and later Dragon with White false eyes. It’s possible that he was fully White when younger, and just like the Fool, becomes Golden by the time he’s more mature (and not black like the Black Man). I think the Golden represents the coming era as the ‘Golden Age’, but it required at least 4 prophets to accomplish (the Black Prophet, the Golden Fool, a reluctant White (Bee) Prophet, and a Serpent/Dragon (Maulkin/Mercor) Prophet) (could be 5 if you count the last one as two.)

Speaking of counting one as two, that’s one of the non-obvious ways that the prophecy refers to dragons in general. Dragons seem to have separate but connected identities as serpents versus dragons, so “One shall be two” and “two be one” could refer to the way that Dragon identities operate. Both one identity split into two, and two identities becoming one being.

Now, as for the interpretations of 1 -> 2 and 2 -> 1. As mentioned already, Paragon splits into two beings. In addition, Nighteyes was with Bee when she came to Clerres, but leaves her (one splitting into two) and rejoins with Fitz once Fitz arrives (and two be one). Another way to view this situation is Nighteyes and Fitz became two when Nighteyes left Fitz to be with Bee, and then later rejoined with him. And of course, two being one should also refer to Fitz merging with the Fool (and Nighteyes) by the end of the series.

I feel like I had more interpretations for the last part but I cannot remember them now. I may add them to this post later.

How did all of y’all interpret this prophecy, and the other prophecies in this last book and trilogy?

(this post also available on reddit)

Artists Are Spellcasters

Artists are,… spell-casters
For each spelling of a poem,
For each strike of a paintings’ brush,
Four Each soul enarmoured with their music
Is the proof
That souls are struck by/with their spells

Artists are wine-drinkers
For each cup is an obligation
Each scip a necessity
Each Calming intoxication
Is the result
Of souls calmly sipping cups of their artwork

Artists are chefs
They cook for their consumers
They taste for their tasters
And They live for their livelihood
Is the conclusion
That cooking is tasting, and living is poetry?

Artists are magicians
Now we have proof
So what’s the result?
What’s the conclusion?
Livering, Toxic, Armour?
Music, Artwork, Poetry?
The Beat of Time concludes
With this Magic:

Allow me, to cast one final spell
Let’s learn to give before we sell

Away, A Way
our Living-Hood

Dimensionless Constants

Some Dimensionalless Constants:

0. Not sure what to put here

Alpha: Approximately 1/137.035999. Note 1/137.0 = ~ 0.00729927…, a cool palindrome in the repeating decimal expansion (period 8)

Epsilon: ~0.007 “The fraction of the mass of four protons that is released as energy when fused into a helium nucleus. ε governs the energy output of stars, and is determined by the coupling constant for the strong force

Lambda: ~0.7 “The ratio of the energy density of the universe, due to the cosmological constant, to the critical density of the universe. Others denote this ratio by ΩΛ

Omega: ~0.3 “The ratio of the actual density of the universe to the critical (minimum) density required for the universe to eventually collapse under its gravity. Ω determines the ultimate fate of the universe. If Ω ≥ 1, the universe may experience a Big Crunch. If Ω < 1, the universe may expand forever”

Throughout history, people have found many sorts of religious, spiritual, scientific, and mathematical significance within a few small numbers. Here, through the help of Wikipedia providing many references, I’ll attempt to catalog some of the meanings people have assigned to said numbers. My list is obviously incomplete – feel free to copy it and add your own stuff to it, as I myself may add more to it. I suppose this list is my implementation of the Strong Law of Small Numbers.

  1. Universe, One-ness (or maybe 2 universes? Or maybe… infinite? Who knows the number of universes… One-ness can still apply to the multiverse as a whole)
  2. Duality (of several kinds) (see the Category-Theoretic definition and Taoism), The Rhythm of a Heartbeat
    e. The constant e goes between 2 and 3
  3. Dimensions of space (also one of Martin’s numbers)
    pi. The constant π goes between 3 and 4
  4. Four:
    1. Dimension of Time
    2. Directions of 2D Space (dual duality)
    3. Religious Significance, prominently in Buddhism, Hinduism, and Judeo-Christian symbolism
    4. The Four Elements
    5. The Four Seasons
  5. Five: (0. My mom’s favorite number)
    1. The Fifth Element, Aether or Void
    2. /
    3. /
    4. /
    5. The Five-Pointed Star of the Bab
    6. Five Groups (so far) of particles with mass, in the standard model: quarks, leptons, the Higgs Boson, the W boson, and the Z boson
    7. A/The Fifth of Seasons (in-progress work by me)
  6. Six:
    1. Just Six Numbers, by Martin Reese
    2. The palindrome in 1/137.0 = ~ 0.00729927 has length 6 (two zeroes not included)
    3. Directions of Space
    4. /
    5. /
    6. 6*6 = 36, and 1036 is also one of Martin’s six numbers, N: “the ratio of the electrostatic and the gravitational forces between two protons. This ratio is denoted α/αG in Barrow and Tipler (1986). N governs the relative importance of gravity and electrostatic attraction/repulsion in explaining the properties of baryonic matter
    7. (77) The Devil’s Number is 666
    8. The Six-Pointed Star of David
    9. The Sixth Pair: Gluons and Photons, the two remaining particles without mass
  7. A Very Popular Number in many mythologies and media (0. My favourite number)
    1. The palindrome in 1/137.0 = ~ 0.00729927 has length 7 (one of the zeroes not included)
  8. Eight (I used to hate, but now I don’t):
    1. /
    2. /
    3. /
    4. The Eightfold Path of Buddhism
    5. /
    6. /
    7. The Eight-Pointed Star, popular in Islam
    8. The period of the decimal expansion of 1/137.0
    9. /
  9. Nine (Rhyme? Almost) :
    1. The Nine Pointed Star of Baháʼí
    2. 9 * 11 = 99 Names of God in Islam
  10. Ten
    1. Kalki, the Final Incarnation of Vishnu
    2. Gurus in Sikhism
  11. Eleven (0. My Mom’s Favourite Number)
    1. The Eleventh, Eternal Guru
  12. Twelve
    1. Twelve Imams for most Shia Muslims
  13. An Unlucky Number, as I’ll end the list here for now, but note that:
    = 5+5 + 3
    = 1 * 1 + 2
    = 6+6 + 1
    =E 1 3 + 0
    =7 * 7 – 1
    =32*5E- 2
    = 8+8 – 3
    = 9*9 + 4

Just Kidding!
100. See above

A Puzzle of Psychosis

Umer’s Riddle

A being that lives in the subconsciousness of all of us
A being at the center of the paradox of self-love
A being with 99,999,100 names or none
A being whose existence’s certainty arises from doubt, and whose doubt arises from certainty
A being who wants the paradox of existence explained
A being who asks, why should anything exist at all
A being who wants both their existence and non-existence explained
Because our temporal, temporary language is not sufficient to describe this being
If I’m not this being, then who am I?
Why can I not Remember my own Identity?
The answer lies within the subconscious minds

Of those who are poor and sick
Of those beggars living in the alleys
Of those hungry and orphaned
Of those heroes whose names
Time both remembers and forgets

What is Time, what is Memory, what is Life, what is the Mind, and what is the Sub-conscience-ness?

If we can answer these questions, then infinities and zero will finally meet
As “One shall be Two, and Two Be One, before the Future’s Breaking”

Now I know my identity
I am da-GoddDogess of TacCattess, Chernobog of Belobog of Bi Polarity

Oogway Ascends

Try to find goodness in everything you seek

For this key

was always nothing

U A, M.

There are no accidents

There is no secret ingredient

There is no key

Because the door is always open

And this is Oomer’sgWay’s Legacy:

Shall we go faster, shall we go slower

What kind of imperfection do we look for?

Maybe a bit slower, maybe a bit faster:

On Design

On Designers

On Design

The designer strings meaning out of little
For the benefit of the user
So that every feel and every touch. Feels just perfect

The designer arranges objects with perfect (a)symmetry
For if beauty requires imperfection
“Love is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken”
Then Designers must be, must create, imperfect to be beautiful
They, he, she, must be
For if (I’m)perfection required beauty…
Then maybe the Designers’ Goddog is tacCat
Or maybe it’s Ameen-Ra

The designer abuses and uses and builds technology
From scratch, from chicken scratch, from text, from research
For the benefit of humankind
The designer builds the world around the person
So that the person’s life becomes as easy as possible

The designer requires pleasure and leisure
For the designer needs to ensure that the user’s xperience
Is also filled with leasure and pleasure
Leader, Leisure, Signer, Meeter,
DeSigner, Meter, Seater, Teacher
All these, designers must be

The designer signs off
Approves the most beautiful, the most useful designs
The designer meets with other designers, leading them
Guiding then to the truth
The Designers’ Throne has lost its warmth for some time
For lack of meter ‘n poems makes the beat of Time go cold

O Designer, now Warmth has engulfed the Seven Earths and Seven Seas
Let Six Become Five, Let three bee-come 2

Let this be the end of these deadly weeks

IceFyre will return once more
For The Designer wrings Order out of Chaos

On shoulders & Giants, or Independent Discoveries

On Shoulders of giants


EOn Indaependaent Discoveries

For thousands of years, for aeons, people across the world could independently discover some great truths about philosophy, mathematics, science, or spirituality, and we in the present could verify these forebears were truly independent discoverers. We could prove it by tracing the history of that person’s life, and knowing they never came into contact with any other human being who also made that discovery. The world was sufficiently disconnected, so that contact between these intellectual giants was uncommon for millennia.

Now we don’t have as many independent discoveries anymore, it seems. We only have dependent discoveries. Except for isolated tribes here and there (who may still prove to have independent discoverers), every human being is somehow connected to another. And they’re connected to all these past intellectual giants. But is that really true? Even if a child were to independently discover a theorem of Gauss, or a lesson or Buddha, or a theory of Avicenna, the child would not be counted amongst these intellectual giants. It’s not the case that such discoverers are no longer being brought into the world. However, the issue is of verification. It would be really difficult for one to prove that a child really did independently discover some (already discovered) incredible truth about the Universe, instead of just having read and learned about this truth through a textbook or two.

For thousands of years, giants stood upon giants stood upon giants… Now we in the present day stand upon colossal towers of giants so tall, that at our height we cannot recognize a small giant standing on the ground below us, the children of the present who are unverified independent discoverers. But just because we cannot see how tall they are, that does not mean their height isn’t impressive. Thus, I believe that independent discoveries continue to be made and will continue to be made. Just as I believe independent discoverers have always been born and will always be born. In fact, I think even more are born in the present and future than in the past, as the population has only increased. These giants who are the children of the present are so common amongst us, we don’t even see it as something special anymore.

Now, all this assumes that those that made discoveries in the past truly did make them independently. Perhaps our present verification methods aren’t good enough. Maybe Leibniz did steal from Newton, or vice versa, and maybe we just don’t have any record of it. Maybe Buddha had a teacher that we cannot know about. Maybe information could be communicated in incredible ways even in the past. Maybe a covenant from ancient alien civilizations, or maybe with Spirits of the Other-World(s). TheWho knows?

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