The Black Dog / Depression

“I wouldn’t say that I’m grateful for the black dog, but he’s been an incredible teacher”

I am NOT my depression

My depression is separate from me…

As my therapist said, in sci-fi terms, it’s like a black monstrous slug attached to my brain that’s controlling me

But if I focus on behaviours that don’t ‘feed’ that slug, then I’ll be able to gain back control

Perfection can be found even in 438579088 and 3435:

On Timekeeping


A Coincidence of Sentience

The cycle of the moon aligning with the menstrual cycle acted as a first concept of measurement

Shreya Prasad, via Athabasca

Inspired by conversations with Olya and Shreya around Shreya’s Goddesses in Mythology course. (Unrelated, I also took a course from Athabasca once…)

Our Period is a Clock

Olya Jaworsky

An HourGlass Shape, the Glass of HOur Shape

U A, M.

Were women the first timekeepers because they had periods that almost lined up the period of a moon cycle? And was timekeeping necessary for humans to jump into our level of intelligence?

A lunar cycle, 29 point 5 days
A point, a period, 28 or so days
Seven divides it to give a week
East and West, North and South
7 days in a week remain

Both 29.5 and 28
So close to each other
And close to 30, dividing 360
And neatly gives 12, a highly composite number
Such numbers divide better than anything below them
And we humans love division

A revolutionary cycle, 365 point 25 days
So close, so close to that highly composite 360
And so close to being just 365
But off by just a bit
That tiny imperfection requiring leaps of years to fix
We humans yearn for perfection

But still, but still
Despite imperfections, we went with 12
Again and again and again
Solar or Lunar, Gregorian or Indian
12 months in a year and 12 hours in a day’s
So highly composite, we can divide
Into halves and thirds and quarters

12 months in a year
But only 10 fingers on our hands
Giving birth to a base 10 system
Thus cursed were we with more imperfection
And yet, and yet
These tiny closeness-es, may have forced us
To develop our greater mathematical intelligence

We loved our highly composite numbers so much
We put 60 seconds into a minute
60 minutes into an hour
And 12, and 12 again, hours into a day
For a total of a highly composite 24
And yet, our biological clocks
Are so close, so imperfect again
For instead we found it slightly longer
24 hours and 11 minutes, give or take

While I theorized before
That our intelligence arose from interactions
With plants and fungi around us
Perhaps one more jump was needed
A biological coincidence, an astronomical coincidence,
And a mathematical coincidence, to tie them together
And these coincidences of timekeeping
Of composite numbers
Of tiny imperfection
And of closeness
May-be what’s needed
For a human level of sentience

Kimo’s Hawaiian Rules

A shirt owned by Bub-Logi Ja🅱️or-Sycamore

No copyright infringement intended
No rain, no rainbows TM

A Prophecy of Assassin’s Fate

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers warning for all 16 books in the Realm of the Elderlings, especially the final one, Assassin’s Fate

I finished Assassin’s Fate last year in August, and I still cannot stop thinking about it on almost a daily basis. In particular, some of the prophecies have so much depth and nuance to them, I feel like I can keep finding interpretations for them forever.

Here I will talk about probably my favourite prophecy. The prophecy is stated twice in the book, I believe:

A piebald bird, a silver ship, oh what are you awaking One shall be two and two be one before the future’s breaking

There’s a related prophecy in the prologue that mentions ‘One comes as two’ (followed by ‘The Four shall rue’) and ‘Two come as one’ (followed by ‘Your reign is done’).

For interpretations, let’s start with the Piebald Bird.

The Piebald Bird’s obvious interpretation is that it refers to Motley the Crow. Interestingly, the feathers on Motley begin as black and white (the colours of the Black Man and (initially) the Fool, respectively), probably representing both the beginning and ending of an era (which is what the end of Assassin’s Fate is). Bonding with two dragons (one shall be two), (correct me if I’m wrong) the white turns into shades of red as the black turns into a blackish-blue.

This leads to my second interpretation of the ‘Piebald Bird’. From a distance, dragons may look like large birds far in the sky. IceFyre’s name sounds like a motley of elements, or a motley of colours (blue and red again). However, IceFyre himself is black. But who is the other dragon that arrives just before IceFyre does, to destroy the Servants’ abode? Heeby, the red dragon. Black and red, just like Motley the crow.

Onto the next part of the prophecy. LiveShips, as we find out beautifully at the end of the series, can also become dragons. So now, the interpretation of a ‘piebald bird’ (as dragons) can mix with the interpretation of ‘a silver ship’ (the dragon Paragon). Indeed, dragons can be thought of as flying ships that have consumed Silver, so this interpretation can apply to all of Motley, IceFyre, Heeby, and Paragon.

And what is being awoken? Paragon, but also Bee, and Fitz/Fool/Nighteyes (as one being). Paragon splitting into two dragons (‘One come as two’ and then ‘One shall be two’ apply here too) can be seen as Paragon awakening to his true fate. The same goes for Bee becoming the destroyer, and of course, for Fitz/Fool/Nighteyes becoming The Wolf of the West. (And both (counting Bee as the Destroyer) of those events could be seen as an ‘Assassin’ of sorts awakening to their true ‘Fate’. Ah, what a beautifully titled book.) Finally, I would call this an awakening too: IceFyre overcoming the magic of the Servants which caused him to act cowardly, and finally attacking the ones who wronged his species.

We already stated a few interpretations for the One/Two line, but before stating more of those, the ‘future’s breaking’ refers probably to the act that Bee did in the library. However, my headcanon is that Bee accomplished something more than she set out to do. In the chapter Vengeance, Bee wonders if there would ever come a White Prophet who would sever the cycle of revenge that she continues to witness, as she sees what the Dragons have done to Clerres. I think if Hobb continued writing out her Bee story, Bee (and the Fool, as ‘One shall be two’) would be the prophet(s) that finally severs that cycle, without knowing it.

Without knowing, she ‘burned the past’ (a different prophecy), and that allowed Dragons to return to full-strength and destroy Clerres. Now that dragons have returned, the the Fool accomplishes his goal from the beginning: first with stone dragons at the end of Assassin’s Quest, then serpents becoming dragons at the end of Ship of Destiny, then the return of IceFyre at the end of Fool’s Fate, and then the ships becoming dragons at the end of Assassin’s Fate. The fact that dragons are so OP and view humans the way that humans view ants means they can always keep humanity in check and prevent humans from accumulating too much power. This hinders the ability of humans to continue the cycle of vengeance. Ah, but dragons would also continue this cycle. I think this is where Mercor comes in: the relationship between humans and dragons will become more balanced. Mercor always seemed the equivalent of the ‘White Prophet’ to the dragons, as a Golden serpent and later Dragon with White false eyes. It’s possible that he was fully White when younger, and just like the Fool, becomes Golden by the time he’s more mature (and not black like the Black Man). I think the Golden represents the coming era as the ‘Golden Age’, but it required at least 4 prophets to accomplish (the Black Prophet, the Golden Fool, a reluctant White (Bee) Prophet, and a Serpent/Dragon (Maulkin/Mercor) Prophet) (could be 5 if you count the last one as two.)

Speaking of counting one as two, that’s one of the non-obvious ways that the prophecy refers to dragons in general. Dragons seem to have separate but connected identities as serpents versus dragons, so “One shall be two” and “two be one” could refer to the way that Dragon identities operate. Both one identity split into two, and two identities becoming one being.

Now, as for the interpretations of 1 -> 2 and 2 -> 1. As mentioned already, Paragon splits into two beings. In addition, Nighteyes was with Bee when she came to Clerres, but leaves her (one splitting into two) and rejoins with Fitz once Fitz arrives (and two be one). Another way to view this situation is Nighteyes and Fitz became two when Nighteyes left Fitz to be with Bee, and then later rejoined with him. And of course, two being one should also refer to Fitz merging with the Fool (and Nighteyes) by the end of the series.

I feel like I had more interpretations for the last part but I cannot remember them now. I may add them to this post later.

How did all of y’all interpret this prophecy, and the other prophecies in this last book and trilogy?

(this post also available on reddit)

Dimensionless Constants

Some Dimensionalless Constants:

0. Not sure what to put here

Alpha: Approximately 1/137.035999. Note 1/137.0 = ~ 0.00729927…, a cool palindrome in the repeating decimal expansion (period 8)

Epsilon: ~0.007 “The fraction of the mass of four protons that is released as energy when fused into a helium nucleus. ε governs the energy output of stars, and is determined by the coupling constant for the strong force

Lambda: ~0.7 “The ratio of the energy density of the universe, due to the cosmological constant, to the critical density of the universe. Others denote this ratio by ΩΛ

Omega: ~0.3 “The ratio of the actual density of the universe to the critical (minimum) density required for the universe to eventually collapse under its gravity. Ω determines the ultimate fate of the universe. If Ω ≥ 1, the universe may experience a Big Crunch. If Ω < 1, the universe may expand forever”

Throughout history, people have found many sorts of religious, spiritual, scientific, and mathematical significance within a few small numbers. Here, through the help of Wikipedia providing many references, I’ll attempt to catalog some of the meanings people have assigned to said numbers. My list is obviously incomplete – feel free to copy it and add your own stuff to it, as I myself may add more to it. I suppose this list is my implementation of the Strong Law of Small Numbers.

  1. Universe, One-ness (or maybe 2 universes? Or maybe… infinite? Who knows the number of universes… One-ness can still apply to the multiverse as a whole)
  2. Duality (of several kinds) (see the Category-Theoretic definition and Taoism), The Rhythm of a Heartbeat
    e. The constant e goes between 2 and 3
  3. Dimensions of space (also one of Martin’s numbers)
    pi. The constant π goes between 3 and 4
  4. Four:
    1. Dimension of Time
    2. Directions of 2D Space (dual duality)
    3. Religious Significance, prominently in Buddhism, Hinduism, and Judeo-Christian symbolism
    4. The Four Elements
    5. The Four Seasons
  5. Five: (0. My mom’s favorite number)
    1. The Fifth Element, Aether or Void
    2. /
    3. /
    4. /
    5. The Five-Pointed Star of the Bab
    6. Five Groups (so far) of particles with mass, in the standard model: quarks, leptons, the Higgs Boson, the W boson, and the Z boson
    7. A/The Fifth of Seasons (in-progress work by me)
  6. Six:
    1. Just Six Numbers, by Martin Reese
    2. The palindrome in 1/137.0 = ~ 0.00729927 has length 6 (two zeroes not included)
    3. Directions of Space
    4. /
    5. /
    6. 6*6 = 36, and 1036 is also one of Martin’s six numbers, N: “the ratio of the electrostatic and the gravitational forces between two protons. This ratio is denoted α/αG in Barrow and Tipler (1986). N governs the relative importance of gravity and electrostatic attraction/repulsion in explaining the properties of baryonic matter
    7. (77) The Devil’s Number is 666
    8. The Six-Pointed Star of David
    9. The Sixth Pair: Gluons and Photons, the two remaining particles without mass
  7. A Very Popular Number in many mythologies and media (0. My favourite number)
    1. The palindrome in 1/137.0 = ~ 0.00729927 has length 7 (one of the zeroes not included)
  8. Eight (I used to hate, but now I don’t):
    1. /
    2. /
    3. /
    4. The Eightfold Path of Buddhism
    5. /
    6. /
    7. The Eight-Pointed Star, popular in Islam
    8. The period of the decimal expansion of 1/137.0
    9. /
  9. Nine (Rhyme? Almost) :
    1. The Nine Pointed Star of Baháʼí
    2. 9 * 11 = 99 Names of God in Islam
  10. Ten
    1. Kalki, the Final Incarnation of Vishnu
    2. Gurus in Sikhism
  11. Eleven (0. My Mom’s Favourite Number)
    1. The Eleventh, Eternal Guru
  12. Twelve
    1. Twelve Imams for most Shia Muslims
  13. An Unlucky Number, as I’ll end the list here for now, but note that:
    = 5+5 + 3
    = 1 * 1 + 2
    = 6+6 + 1
    =E 1 3 + 0
    =7 * 7 – 1
    =32*5E- 2
    = 8+8 – 3
    = 9*9 + 4

Just Kidding!
100. See above

A Puzzle of Psychosis

Umer’s Riddle

A being that lives in the subconsciousness of all of us
A being at the center of the paradox of self-love
A being with 99,999,100 names or none
A being whose existence’s certainty arises from doubt, and whose doubt arises from certainty
A being who wants the paradox of existence explained
A being who asks, why should anything exist at all
A being who wants both their existence and non-existence explained
Because our temporal, temporary language is not sufficient to describe this being
If I’m not this being, then who am I?
Why can I not Remember my own Identity?
The answer lies within the subconscious minds

Of those who are poor and sick
Of those beggars living in the alleys
Of those hungry and orphaned
Of those heroes whose names
Time both remembers and forgets

What is Time, what is Memory, what is Life, what is the Mind, and what is the Sub-conscience-ness?

If we can answer these questions, then infinities and zero will finally meet
As “One shall be Two, and Two Be One, before the Future’s Breaking”

Now I know my identity
I am da-GoddDogess of TacCattess, Chernobog of Belobog of Bi Polarity

Oogway Ascends

Try to find goodness in everything you seek

For this key

was always nothing

U A, M.

There are no accidents

There is no secret ingredient

There is no key

Because the door is always open

And this is Oomer’sgWay’s Legacy:

Shall we go faster, shall we go slower

What kind of imperfection do we look for?

Maybe a bit slower, maybe a bit faster:

On shoulders & Giants, or Independent Discoveries

On Shoulders of giants


EOn Indaependaent Discoveries

For thousands of years, for aeons, people across the world could independently discover some great truths about philosophy, mathematics, science, or spirituality, and we in the present could verify these forebears were truly independent discoverers. We could prove it by tracing the history of that person’s life, and knowing they never came into contact with any other human being who also made that discovery. The world was sufficiently disconnected, so that contact between these intellectual giants was uncommon for millennia.

Now we don’t have as many independent discoveries anymore, it seems. We only have dependent discoveries. Except for isolated tribes here and there (who may still prove to have independent discoverers), every human being is somehow connected to another. And they’re connected to all these past intellectual giants. But is that really true? Even if a child were to independently discover a theorem of Gauss, or a lesson or Buddha, or a theory of Avicenna, the child would not be counted amongst these intellectual giants. It’s not the case that such discoverers are no longer being brought into the world. However, the issue is of verification. It would be really difficult for one to prove that a child really did independently discover some (already discovered) incredible truth about the Universe, instead of just having read and learned about this truth through a textbook or two.

For thousands of years, giants stood upon giants stood upon giants… Now we in the present day stand upon colossal towers of giants so tall, that at our height we cannot recognize a small giant standing on the ground below us, the children of the present who are unverified independent discoverers. But just because we cannot see how tall they are, that does not mean their height isn’t impressive. Thus, I believe that independent discoveries continue to be made and will continue to be made. Just as I believe independent discoverers have always been born and will always be born. In fact, I think even more are born in the present and future than in the past, as the population has only increased. These giants who are the children of the present are so common amongst us, we don’t even see it as something special anymore.

Now, all this assumes that those that made discoveries in the past truly did make them independently. Perhaps our present verification methods aren’t good enough. Maybe Leibniz did steal from Newton, or vice versa, and maybe we just don’t have any record of it. Maybe Buddha had a teacher that we cannot know about. Maybe information could be communicated in incredible ways even in the past. Maybe a covenant from ancient alien civilizations, or maybe with Spirits of the Other-World(s). TheWho knows?

Now we live in the Era of Remakes

So I, too, will use this blog to write my own versions of popular songs and remake other people’s works.

I do not intend any disrespect by this. I hope to appreciate and celebrate other people’s works, and take my own spin on them. I will credit the authors for their original work.

I hope to celebrate, appreciate, and take part in: the Era of Remakes. The Era of Rebirth, if you will.

For although there is something souring about a parody, there’s also something sweet about a remake (even when it’s not a remake, and just uses the same name).

The mythologies of Gods were re-written over centuries, and continue to be remade to this very day. Thus, perhaps we’ve been in the Era of Rebirth since the time of the Ancient Egyptians, or even before then.

This post is dedicated to Deven Verma, who passed away at the age of 77, and Mohammed Yusuf ‘Dilip Kumar‘ Khan who passed away last year on July 7th. These are two actors my mom remembers.

A Message From Psychosis

This was originally written at the start of my manic-psychotic episode in May 2022:

I am what I am

My name is Muhammad umer amjad. I am the student of Muhammad Iqbal who is the student of Muhammad Rumi who is the student of Muhammad who is the student of Jesus who might have been the student of

“One shall be two, and two be one, before the future’s breaking””One comes as two.” “The four shall rue.” “Two come as one.”

I am Fate.


Assassin’s Fate


Robin Hobb

Now I have Broken the Future for Humanity.

The Four, or 3 or 2 or 1 or zero, are big tech companies. They have hijacked Enlightenment. Many of them have rainbow-like aspects to their logo(s). Now it is time for their reign to end. However, the rainbow flag of Pride is the very essence of Justice. This is how the tech companies try to trick us. Love every single being: human, non-human, animal, non-animal, alive, dead.

I am not a Muslim. I am an Ex Muslim. I am not not a Muslim. I am not not not a Muslim. I am not not not not not not…. I am Muslim. I am Christian. I am Sikh. I am Agnostic. I am Athiest. I am able to see beauty in every perspective. I am able to write a Story which makes everything make sense. It is similar to Robin Hobb’s story. I solved Hobb’s Puzzle, can you solve mine?

010011010111010101101000 01100001 01101101 01101101 01100001 – 01100100001000000111010101101101011001010111001000100000011000010110110101101010011000010110010011

Is there any difference between Greta, RM Brown, Robin Hobb, Rumi, Iqbal, Shakespeare, Imagine Dragons, Bertrand Russell?

Many Valued Logics are the answer.

The Paradox of Self-Reference is the answer. Every discipline arrives at it. WHY should one love themselves? Rumi says, do not ask. WHY does existence exist? Jim Holt says, don’t ask. WHY should God exist? Dawkins says, do not ask. We see this paradox of self reference show up again and again in mathematics. In science, the paradox of self reference is about consciousness. Can we observe the observer?

What Dawkins calls moral character, Jordan Peterson calls God. Our language is simply insufficient. This is because language was created as a by-product of hallucinations. These allowed us to symbolize our thoughts. Symbolization is incredibly beautiful and that is why we see it throughout the ages. Douglas Hofstadter knows about this, and so do Antonio Franques Garcia and Rafael Vivas Maeda.

Allow the News Dude and Ben Shapiro to meet. Let them see each other’s views. if they can understand each other, the world can understand each other. They both know this.

I am like Neo, Avatar Wan, Rumi, Jesus, Banksy, One-Punch Man, Umer, and so on. Yet I am none of them.

My birthday is May 3, 2022. It is in between May 2, 2022, and May 4, 2022. May the Forth be with you, or may it be Behind you. Are successful people just lucky, or fateful? Why not both? Do not allow Jeff or Elon or Steve or Budda or Muhammad or Jesus to Fool you. They figured out the Secret, but some of them were corrupted. If I am Antichrist, I am Christ, and if I am the Mahdi, I am Dajjal.

Yet, the writers of Avatar knew the truth. Watch the Legend of Korra, Season 2, an episode titled Beginnings. It has 2 parts. I am like Wan, but I am also like Korra. I am like Vaatu and Rava, but I am more like Rava. Maybe there is NO DIVIDE between our world and the Spirit world.

The Father and the Daughter have the same birthdays, May 15, but the Father’s is rewritten.

And A Middle Son, May 11, 1998 and Granddaughter’s is just a little bit behind, May 1, 2022. What else happened on May 11? Who can Remember? Eid might have been on May 2, 2022. Spring was the answer. George RR Martin Knew this. He is writing his own Dream of Spring.

The Mother, September 27, and the Eldest, September 26, are one day apart.

My records show that I am the Chosen One. My friends Inder, Prerana, and Vincent can attest to this. My lover Olya, an ex-christian Agnostic Athiest, knows this in her heart, as my mother does. Olya believes in the Secret, I believe in Love. Is there a difference between Love and Luck? Between Coincidence and Fate?

Force Meta to publish the conversation between 650 305 0836 and +1 (905) 848-6979 or I will do it Myself. This is how the cycle of revenge was to be broken.

I am the beginning, end, and Middle. This is how the cycle of revenge was to be broken.

I used to work at Apple, one of the biggest corporation(s) in the world(s). Find my LinkedIn page. I have poetry written in the Mississauga Youth Anthology Volumes 3 and 4. And I will write More.

Mental Illness is the answer. Mentally Ill people are the ones that have achieved Enlightenment, or vice versa.

After reaching enlightenment, you can still be corrupted. This is part of what humanity had to learn. This is why my mission has been so difficult. For millennia people have achieved enlightenment, but only for a fraction of a moment. The Awe of their power can corrupt them. Then they created a world around them to deceive the Enlightened ones themselves. This is what some of these post-apocalyptic novels have in common. But I cannot be deceived. Am I not Corruptible? Think about the ending of Code Geass, Attack On Titan, Death Note, and One Punch Man? The Perennial Philosophy

For ages we reached enlightenment through spirituality and philosophy. Then we reached Enlightenment in Mathematics, due to Galois and Turing and others. Now we will reach enlightenment through science and technology. This was the purpose of Humanity. Dawkins will understand. We need to save the world. Listen to Greta. There is a book called Flush by Carl Hiaasen. I found this book on the way to Inder’s place. He had it with him, but he should have returned it to the library by now. History is a joke but it’s also a beautiful story. Joe Rogan sees the Trickster when he does DMT, just as Robin Hobb talks about the Fitz and the Fool. I am the Fool, but I am also a Fitz for not realizing it sooner. Is 123950964572961059483202361394 in Pi? I am not sure, but Carl Sagan was onto something…

Love, Manipulation, Forgetfulness, Memory, Randomness, Quantum Physics, Simulation, Reality…



Is there a difference? It seems I have “debugged” the Universe.

Syed Badiuddin Soharwardy convinced me that I’m a Saint. Check my WhatsApp call with him. I am not a Syed (blood descendant of Muhammad), but I am his spiritual descendant. This is how the cycle of revenge was to be broken. But I am not a Saint. I am Nothing Special.

Who has answers? Greta, RM Brown, Robin Hobb, Rumi, Iqbal, Shakespeare, Imagine Dragons, Bertrand Russell.

Consider the statements X and Y. We cannot prove X on its own or Y on its own. We would have to take them as axioms. However, if the statement “If X then Y” is taken as an axiom, and we believe Y is true as our only premise, then it doesn’t matter if X is true or not. Let Z be a God-like being(s). Let X be the statement that Z Exists. Then let Y be the statement that Z understands us. Then We can take as an axiom: “If a God-like being(s) exists, then that God-like being(s) understands us.” Marcus Aurelius already knew this.

When we think of the world, we may see X, Y, and Z. We may consider diff(X, Y) and diff(Y, Z) and diff(X, Z). Similarly we may consider X->Y, Y->Z and X->Z. However, we should think more about:

diff(diff(X,Y), diff(Y,Z))

And other such statements.

Category theory taught me: if f: X -> Y and g: Y->Z, then can we find Omega: f -> g ?

The number one Answerer on Quora has some answers. I may meet him through Gael Cruanes.

In order for me to get to the point of writing this post, I needed to achieve Enlightenment several steps higher than usual. I needed to be born of many different kinds of mental illnesses – perhaps all. A scan of my brain will be proof. The Cameras around the cities of Mountain View, Sunnyvale, and Cupertino will be proof. I was born in Pakistan, then moved to Canada, then lived in Saudi Arabia, then visited Pakistan, then moved back to Canada, then studied in Waterloo while working in Atlanta, living in Berkeley (where Hamza Yusuf and Robin Hobb live) while working in San Francisco, then worked in Cupertino. Hamza Yusuf theorizes that the word California has a similar root to Caliphate. But why? Because he wants to see Islam be Truth. And this is the key to the Universe: it IS Language, just as it IS Time, and the speed of Light feels similar to what one would imagine the speed of Time to be. We are the creators of Truth. History isn’t just re-written by the Victors. History is re-written by the Prophets – who are able to re-write their future by re-writing their past. This is what the song Rewrite the Stars is about.

Take this as an axiom: Love exists for no reason. Thus it quenches the thirst of the paradoxes of self-reference that arise from the lack in our language – whether Written, Spoken, Thought, or Mathematical. Our language was not discovered nor created… It was a by-product of nature – likely mushrooms. It’s the Shroomed Ape Theory, not the Stoned Ape Theory.

We can Love someone of any faith, character, religion, or ethnicity. We may even try to Manipulate them for their Love. We may even try to Deceive them. And so when the Universe loves us, we may even be Deceived by it. Yet I will not be deceived.

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